Director's cut - Read on as a director trashes his own movie

An "ahem"...honest write up - in his very own words-Lajjo Hilani, the director of 3 idiots on his very original box office record breaking movie and the characters....

Rub a dub dub 3 idiots in a tub .....
It's not a tub, ..it's actually 3 different barrels, you see
Because errr...whatever else I was inspired by
It wasn't homosexuality
Half the movie's budget went in making the heros' look half their age
But it was worth it and as predicted it's become the rage..

To iron out wrinkles- a roadroller over his face followed by a lawnmover over his head,
Gave Aamir his gurkha look, plus of course the weight he shed.

And though we had him started out as a dhokla-eating- gujju, Aamir kind of changed the script...
And now I have Javed Jafferi hot on my heels...suing me for a cameo so nondescript..

Madhavan begged to be Ramaswamy Iyyer-- but I challanged him to do the Farhan bit,
At least am proud of the fact that he added to the definition of the word "misfit"..!

Mis-fit reminds me that his liposuction bills are due,
Don't want history repeating itself a la Bipasha Basu.

Sharman did not need any acting workshop, to pull of his role..
In fact he was so good, some unit guys almost gave him a tin bowl.

The rest of his family is shown in sepia tones,
Which signifies they are buried to the neck in student loans,
Add to that, giving kareena competition, are his old man's bones,
And that my dear in Bollywood establishes the poverty zones.

To make Kareena appear convincing as a doc, was a task herculean!
how was I to know that, like her size, her IQ too would be boolean :(

It's not Viru Sahasrabuddhe's fault that his character is confused- his script got blurred during dry cleaning
Else he would have definitely given "stiff","upper lip" and "konkasnastha Brahmin" a whole new meaning.
He really is my favorite man and can play any character with ease,
But his make up man is to be blamed if he's come out looking like an ageing Charlie Chaplin suffering from some undescribable disease.

Though how 2 sikhnis were born in the house of Sahasrabuddhe is what struck me in retrospect,
hmmm...too bad I could have shown a virus killing of their infidel mother....with the dean of course as prime suspect..

But that would have been too predictable and am a man who never lacks an original idea,
Unlike some Indian authors who suffer from publicity diarrhea...

My Aamir has answered SRK's show of 6 pack with a show of BOTOX,
If that does not silence SRK and Farah Khan, the rest of my supporting cast is ready with their buttox..

Now what Do i tell you of my passion for the backside- it's too glorious to be hidden,
But thanks to the censor board we had to invest in whole sale VIP coz free show was forbidden..

Woh bole "Andar ki baat ko Andar hi rehne do..
Ek VIP ke saath ek cotton "tauliya" muft lo...

(both came in handy as you know, during the Aal iz WELL song shoot,
Finally I have found a replacement for the Get well Soon bhoot)

My second passion if you haven't guessed it yet; is filming of loos
Front shot,side shot, maybe if i am lucky, some aerial views!

So great was my obsession that i took a panga that could have incurred the Indian Public's ire
(I almost dared to flush down the toilet, ashes from a funeral pyre !!)

See ..am a man who practices Gundagiri and Gandhigiri in equal measure
But sometimes, I also come under great pressure..
Then I scrouge around the internet for some jokes for the masses
And stuff up cotton in my ears least the feeling passes

Of course Abhijit (Joshi) is always there with a bright idea or two
And i believe in err...giving credit where credit is due
It was his input to show Maddy taking shots of the pups in a manner oh so painstaking,
That the public will no doubt put 2 and 2 together and say voila!! that's a WildLife Photographer in the making!!

Anyways, I am geting carried away.. must not forget the smaller shrimps in my zest
Like Millimeter, Centimeter and the man on whose underpants the whole of Unites States seems to rest....

On a very serious note:-

As always my movie has an underlying message for all "Passion when combined with Applied Sciences leads to excellence"
It is , by watching my movie (and not reading from a something something book) you can apply Engineering to your day to day life,
and WAIT THERE"S MORE....by using my magic mantra AAL IZ WELL, you can even perform deliveries of live human babies on ping pong tables.
(Just don't forget to smack that baby's BUTT !!)

JAI HO ! (In the hope of an Oscar ;)

- As told to Manorama Ukidve

Disclaimer : To be taken in the light spilit. No offense to anyone dead or alive reading this.