MOVIE NAME:BILLU BARBER
STAR CAST: SRK
IRFAN KHAN (Billu)
,Lara Dutta (Wife of Billu)
Billu’s children
Supporting cast (The usual Priyadarshan troupe)
Dancers (Priyanka , Deepika,Kareena and so on)
A story i have heard from grandma
Of krishna and his friend Sudama
A night time story telling session which is grannie's ritual
Is now being taken over by Bollywood? I hope it does not become habitual!
So so if we do a FastForward now to the silver screen
(Billu barber Verdict-Neither here nor there but something in between.)
Once upon a time ,the date is unknown..
Stood a village in India, in the northern zone,
Could be easily mistaken for a bollywood set
(Perhaps a reject from Jab We Met)
Green fields ,wide rivers and mountains brown
(Come here if you are recovering from a nervous breakdown)
The village also boasted of a commercial space,
Where all trades flourished at their own pace
It spread across at least an acre
with the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker
It also had 2 barber shops
(In one of which our protagonist Billu sits and chops)
Business was slack, just here n there a trim,
Everyday was recession, the situation was grim
If this wasn't all he had a nag for a wife,
AND 2 kids and they were after his life.
She kept on and on about how life was lowly,
Never mind her washboard abs or Manish Malhotra designer choli.
But a man with his self respect can never his pride pawn,
And sigh yaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnn...life goes on.
Now, the people in the village had a strange vice,
It was neither the races nor a game of dice.
They faithfully caught every flick of King Khan,
ALL walls bore His posters, albeit splattered with paan.
(And those of us who love Him, and i know who all ;)
He has 10 item numbers in this movie, so you're gonna have a ball)
So when He announces he wants to shoot in rural setting
We know it's THIS village ha ha and no one's betting!
Alas now life is not the same for our local zero,
(Am talking of Billu, SRK is the movie's hero)
For it seems that the two were best pals before the Khan's starry rise,
No No just good friends, though one would be tempted to think otherwise.
SUCH a scoop! But Billu keeps mum,
He could have made hay, but he does not succumb.
"HE is the ocean and i am but a drop",
This does not keep his family from shouting it from the roof top
Word spreads like wildfire and rumours are rife
Thanks to his 2 children and his supermodel wife.
For someone who was treated like a stray dog,
Now the letters are reversed, Billu is God.
SRK arrives in the village admist Z category security and much fan fare
(Beats me why Priyadarshan makes the villagers throw blank papers in the air)
Now the pressure is on
The whole village wants to meet the DON
And so our Billu starts to feel the heat
They catch him in his shop, they tear his clothes on the street.
"We have trekked from wide and afar"
And SRK IS after all your chaddi-yaar
Intro nahi diya to mei mar jaunga
Bhagwan na sahi, mei tera bhala kar jaunga"
We do see a rather half hearted attempt,
And one that fills Billu with self contempt.
To touch base with the King of Khans without playing further games
(BTW King of Khans is what the back of SRK's jacket proclaims)
Alas Billu fails to contact the Khan and that's bad news
It is as if all hell is let lose
And when it comes to depicting hell,Priyadarshan is a master of his art,
Don't believe me? It;s there in all his movies..just catch the last part.
(Clothes are ripped off , furniture is broken
People run helter skelter, nonsense dialogues are spoken)
Ah the masses are cruel whether it's real or reel
They raise you, they drop you , they crush you under their heel
And so we assume that the Khan will never know
That this very village houses his friend of yore
Or ...does he really know him -is he really his friend???
This is what made ME watch the movie till the end!!!!!!!!
In case through the course of the movie your patience diminishs, Mail me at manorama.ukidve@gmail.com, I'll tell you how it finishes!!!
Cheers!
(No this is not the outcome of a bottle of wine,
Rather , a whackonthehead from a friend of mine)~
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
MOVIE REVIEW:DOSTANA
DOST "DOST" NA RAHA
Tis truly the season to be gay.
And what a well timed release between Diwali and Christmas -where one is at a risk of having an overdose of good behaviour.
So has Karan chosen to "sway " out of the Gay closet?Only time can tell.
Given his love for triangles (Kuch Kuch hota hai,Kal Ho na Ho) ,his love for Mata Pita (Kabhi Khushi kabhi Gham), for Public Message-ur spouse might be having an affair(Kabhi Alvida na Kehna), for Friends turning lovers (All of them),karru is back with the mother of all shockers for the Indian Public.
Dostana which has all the themes that he himself has done to death but a twist with the protagonists pretending to be homosexual is what makes the film a must watch at the theatres.
Definitely inspired from a hollywood movie (won't name it and spoil the fun) this flick promises bellyful of laughs every few minutes.
2 guys and a gal (John A Abhishek B and Priyanka C) sharing an apartment and their lives.For survival A and B need to live in the hot city of Miami as gays. C who works for fashion mag Verve (yeah yeah, the connection with Rachel Greene in Ralph Lauren is instant) is blissfully unaware throughout the movie that A and B are anything but gay inspite of all the leching that the 2 indulge in.
The transition from roommates to best friends is managed in the short span of a song because you see there is lot more happening in the later reels and why waste time on evolving relationships, we know how its done thanks to your previous flicks karrru !
So when mummyji (Kiron Kher) gets the news that her son B is gay, catches the next flight in a couple of mins to Miami to break down the door.
Of course pretences have to be kept because of which mummyji's BP soars every now and then, though between fainting fits she does her usual emotional bit of being the mother which C never had! Maybe the editor fell asleep and cut out a whole chunk because after a blink we discover that mummyji and C are best friends (well since the threat of being "in-law" has been removed it's definitely probable and possible;)
C convinces mummyji to accept the fact that her son loves a man.
What follows is maybe an example of what will happen if gay marriages are allowed in India with the traditional festivities thrown in..IMAGINE!
This settled, the so called gays now have to deal with the fact that they are in love with the gal. Could life be more miserable? Well it certainely is for the viewerThis is one portion of the film that could not have been handled worse. What follows is a sequence of events to woo C over in what can only be described as childish.JOhar could have definitely written these scenes better...And viewers start to yawn and not just coz it's a late night show...but hey, we are here for the gags, right!
Whether johar was at a loss as to who would get the girl or whether he wanted to stick to the tried and tested formula of neither or maybe he was hoping that given time his characters would really turn gay?
Whatever but in the 2nd half we suddenly have a 4th angle in the form of new boss to C (Bobby D). He is oh so smitten by C. And though he looks more gay than the 2 protagonists put together..what with his finely tweezed eyebrows, dandy Armani suits (which he probably preserved as a souvenir from his one and only hit Humraaz) and his evident enjoyment at having his chest waxed. But he is as straight as they come.which means A and B need to form a team to kick D out of the competition.The film gets even shabbier at this point on with even more immature pranksBut then if you want to truly enjoy this movie, you gotta leave your commonsense at home (Leave your spouse behind as well, there is enough eye candy in the movie in the form of Priyanka and John as per respective preferences)
The saving grace is definitely the jokes that make u absolutely ROLL ON THE FLOOR.Who gets the girl, is not what you want to watch this film for.John and Priyanka look MIND BLOWING, never mind their acting. Abhbishek has tried his hand at mock homosexuality and wonder of wonders..he seems to have taken to it like a fish to water.
The scene where he is shown wooing John and the dance sequence with Boman will make you explode laughing.While these scenes have nothing really original about them, it;s purely an effort on Abhi's part and he deserves due credit for it.He might not have the best wardrobe in the movie (not too much choice in pink shirts for men, is there?) but he has the best scenes and the best lines. And he does a great job!
John goes through the film with a quizzical look on his face as though he is inwardly struggling with the question"To be or not to be -Gay". But it doesn't really matter since the director merely asks him to remove his shirt in every scene which he obediently does..and the rest as they say is no mystery..Boman as Priyanka's ex boss is wasted in this movie. Given his ability to "sink into the character" he would have been one gay...oops i mean one guy to watch out for. sadly his role is limited to air kissing and pouting with a couple of lines thrown in.Sushmita Mukherjee as the Sindhi aunt is in a predictable role but then she is still the "Kitty" from Karamchand for most of us and being a born comic does more than justice to her sterotyped role.Bobby could have been replaced by someone more hunky and looks like a pansy in a field of sunflowers.
Those of us who are fans of the sitcom Friends might get a "deja vu" and it's a teeny weeny bit obvious that JOhar has drawn inspiration from 2 of the worlds most loved "best friends" Chandler and Joey.
Generously peppered with double meaning dialogues and spiced with double meaning scenes and gestures, the film is guaranteed to make you laugh inspite of yourself.And well..for those of you who don't care for gags, there's always John and Priyanka which is more than paisa wasool in itself!!!
-Manorama Ukidve
Tis truly the season to be gay.
And what a well timed release between Diwali and Christmas -where one is at a risk of having an overdose of good behaviour.
So has Karan chosen to "sway " out of the Gay closet?Only time can tell.
Given his love for triangles (Kuch Kuch hota hai,Kal Ho na Ho) ,his love for Mata Pita (Kabhi Khushi kabhi Gham), for Public Message-ur spouse might be having an affair(Kabhi Alvida na Kehna), for Friends turning lovers (All of them),karru is back with the mother of all shockers for the Indian Public.
Dostana which has all the themes that he himself has done to death but a twist with the protagonists pretending to be homosexual is what makes the film a must watch at the theatres.
Definitely inspired from a hollywood movie (won't name it and spoil the fun) this flick promises bellyful of laughs every few minutes.
2 guys and a gal (John A Abhishek B and Priyanka C) sharing an apartment and their lives.For survival A and B need to live in the hot city of Miami as gays. C who works for fashion mag Verve (yeah yeah, the connection with Rachel Greene in Ralph Lauren is instant) is blissfully unaware throughout the movie that A and B are anything but gay inspite of all the leching that the 2 indulge in.
The transition from roommates to best friends is managed in the short span of a song because you see there is lot more happening in the later reels and why waste time on evolving relationships, we know how its done thanks to your previous flicks karrru !
So when mummyji (Kiron Kher) gets the news that her son B is gay, catches the next flight in a couple of mins to Miami to break down the door.
Of course pretences have to be kept because of which mummyji's BP soars every now and then, though between fainting fits she does her usual emotional bit of being the mother which C never had! Maybe the editor fell asleep and cut out a whole chunk because after a blink we discover that mummyji and C are best friends (well since the threat of being "in-law" has been removed it's definitely probable and possible;)
C convinces mummyji to accept the fact that her son loves a man.
What follows is maybe an example of what will happen if gay marriages are allowed in India with the traditional festivities thrown in..IMAGINE!
This settled, the so called gays now have to deal with the fact that they are in love with the gal. Could life be more miserable? Well it certainely is for the viewerThis is one portion of the film that could not have been handled worse. What follows is a sequence of events to woo C over in what can only be described as childish.JOhar could have definitely written these scenes better...And viewers start to yawn and not just coz it's a late night show...but hey, we are here for the gags, right!
Whether johar was at a loss as to who would get the girl or whether he wanted to stick to the tried and tested formula of neither or maybe he was hoping that given time his characters would really turn gay?
Whatever but in the 2nd half we suddenly have a 4th angle in the form of new boss to C (Bobby D). He is oh so smitten by C. And though he looks more gay than the 2 protagonists put together..what with his finely tweezed eyebrows, dandy Armani suits (which he probably preserved as a souvenir from his one and only hit Humraaz) and his evident enjoyment at having his chest waxed. But he is as straight as they come.which means A and B need to form a team to kick D out of the competition.The film gets even shabbier at this point on with even more immature pranksBut then if you want to truly enjoy this movie, you gotta leave your commonsense at home (Leave your spouse behind as well, there is enough eye candy in the movie in the form of Priyanka and John as per respective preferences)
The saving grace is definitely the jokes that make u absolutely ROLL ON THE FLOOR.Who gets the girl, is not what you want to watch this film for.John and Priyanka look MIND BLOWING, never mind their acting. Abhbishek has tried his hand at mock homosexuality and wonder of wonders..he seems to have taken to it like a fish to water.
The scene where he is shown wooing John and the dance sequence with Boman will make you explode laughing.While these scenes have nothing really original about them, it;s purely an effort on Abhi's part and he deserves due credit for it.He might not have the best wardrobe in the movie (not too much choice in pink shirts for men, is there?) but he has the best scenes and the best lines. And he does a great job!
John goes through the film with a quizzical look on his face as though he is inwardly struggling with the question"To be or not to be -Gay". But it doesn't really matter since the director merely asks him to remove his shirt in every scene which he obediently does..and the rest as they say is no mystery..Boman as Priyanka's ex boss is wasted in this movie. Given his ability to "sink into the character" he would have been one gay...oops i mean one guy to watch out for. sadly his role is limited to air kissing and pouting with a couple of lines thrown in.Sushmita Mukherjee as the Sindhi aunt is in a predictable role but then she is still the "Kitty" from Karamchand for most of us and being a born comic does more than justice to her sterotyped role.Bobby could have been replaced by someone more hunky and looks like a pansy in a field of sunflowers.
Those of us who are fans of the sitcom Friends might get a "deja vu" and it's a teeny weeny bit obvious that JOhar has drawn inspiration from 2 of the worlds most loved "best friends" Chandler and Joey.
Generously peppered with double meaning dialogues and spiced with double meaning scenes and gestures, the film is guaranteed to make you laugh inspite of yourself.And well..for those of you who don't care for gags, there's always John and Priyanka which is more than paisa wasool in itself!!!
-Manorama Ukidve
REVIEW: FASHION
Avoidable: For lack of a better adjective
What’s it about - All that glitters is not gold...Girl, you should have listened to ur moral science teacher !!
Highs: Fasion Week Ramp Walks and Collections -For the price of the ticket!
Lows: Read on to discoverRating : 2
Fashion is a tad bit dissapointing. After Chandni bar, Page 3, Corporate and so on and so forth, BHandarkar just seems to be picking a subject and churning out storylines and scripts as though it were a factory (oops...sorry ramji).
Thanks to Page 3 we all know how the rich and glamourous live and so the story is quite predictable. What would have been great had we gotten a glimpse into the lives of these annorexic girls..how do they live? what do they eat? What goes on in their minds...How do they learn to walk the ramp...All we get to see is portfolio shoots,endless ramp walks sponsored by hot labels- see finally money does beat creativity..Mr Bhandarkar- and the rise to fame (read sea facing apartments) and fall in the gutter of coke snorting supermodels..Tons of wine tasting and clouds of ciggie smoke later any parent would be convinced that this is defnitely not the career for a daughter !
What itself is ironic is that in the name of Fashion we are treated to costumes that can be dug up from one’s 4th grade trunk for school concerts.Weak editing. Weak direction..what were you thinking madhur? A hep hep hep girl coming to mumbai with such a tacky portfolio (read glitter, shoulder pads and high waisted denims)!
Also her dramatic change from innocent chandigarh di kuddi to "Oh i have SO much attitude" is far too fast !!And why, WHY this obsession with sprinkling gays in all his films..yes Fashion might be synonymous with them but clearly Mr.Bhandarkar we are suffering from an overdose!
A mention for the protagonist-there are times when the girl(Priyanka Chopra) shows a spark and times when it seems the director had his back turned when a particular shot was filmed. But yea, Priyanka deserves a ginger pat on the back for the effort...after all she was pitted against kankgana Ranut who is currently reigning Tantrum Queen...though Priyanka could not beat her in the attitude dept she made KACHRA of her in the glamour dept..Other wise the rest of the characters were ..well.. happy and gay!
What’s it about - All that glitters is not gold...Girl, you should have listened to ur moral science teacher !!
Highs: Fasion Week Ramp Walks and Collections -For the price of the ticket!
Lows: Read on to discoverRating : 2
Fashion is a tad bit dissapointing. After Chandni bar, Page 3, Corporate and so on and so forth, BHandarkar just seems to be picking a subject and churning out storylines and scripts as though it were a factory (oops...sorry ramji).
Thanks to Page 3 we all know how the rich and glamourous live and so the story is quite predictable. What would have been great had we gotten a glimpse into the lives of these annorexic girls..how do they live? what do they eat? What goes on in their minds...How do they learn to walk the ramp...All we get to see is portfolio shoots,endless ramp walks sponsored by hot labels- see finally money does beat creativity..Mr Bhandarkar- and the rise to fame (read sea facing apartments) and fall in the gutter of coke snorting supermodels..Tons of wine tasting and clouds of ciggie smoke later any parent would be convinced that this is defnitely not the career for a daughter !
What itself is ironic is that in the name of Fashion we are treated to costumes that can be dug up from one’s 4th grade trunk for school concerts.Weak editing. Weak direction..what were you thinking madhur? A hep hep hep girl coming to mumbai with such a tacky portfolio (read glitter, shoulder pads and high waisted denims)!
Also her dramatic change from innocent chandigarh di kuddi to "Oh i have SO much attitude" is far too fast !!And why, WHY this obsession with sprinkling gays in all his films..yes Fashion might be synonymous with them but clearly Mr.Bhandarkar we are suffering from an overdose!
A mention for the protagonist-there are times when the girl(Priyanka Chopra) shows a spark and times when it seems the director had his back turned when a particular shot was filmed. But yea, Priyanka deserves a ginger pat on the back for the effort...after all she was pitted against kankgana Ranut who is currently reigning Tantrum Queen...though Priyanka could not beat her in the attitude dept she made KACHRA of her in the glamour dept..Other wise the rest of the characters were ..well.. happy and gay!
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